Just to be honest, I don't really have a problem to stay at the hostel (other than the bathroom and meal issues). The only thing that bugs me and I'm afraid of is that the ones who stayed at the hostel refuse to be my friend. I've tried to be humble and friendly towards them, but they just seems... I don't know how to explain it. It's like they've "labeled" me as outsiders and it's impossible for them to make friends with me. I never hate anyone, not even my friends who stay at the hostel. I just wonder why they does that. or, is it actually my own fault? But whenever I tried to be friends, especially in class, they just refuse to give much positive feedback and responses. That puzzles me every time. Do they really CAN'T mix with us, people? Never have in mind saying they're some sort of arrogant people or anything. I seriously don't!
My dad said "I think you should stay at the hostel for few days." But then, I would immediately let out a thunderous scream, refusing to be on the same page as my dad's. Want to know the thing I'm afraid the most before the bathroom and meal issues? It's that I would have not even ONE SINGLE friend. Well, my BFFs seems to get along with them pretty well. Although I hate seeing myself getting left out, most of the time. NO LIE! (Then when I say this, they would apologize then continue doing the same thing after couple days)
I try not to care and bear in mind the word "Whatever-lah!" all the time. But seriously, who could sustain themselves from being hurt when this "thing" cuts this deep? I am ALSO a human... and a helpless 15-year-old girl to be exact. I do feel the same as anyone when I am left out. What's so wrong with me till they won't even care to say "Hi" to me?
If only you could answer this, I would plead you to, dear diary.
Hurtful and lonely,
Plain Jane
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