Tear Me Down Like A Paper?

Hey Charmz. It's good to write to you again. I don't know why but I just feel kind of bummed. I really feel like everyone is trying to put me down. I feel ignored and neglected. Sometimes, even my own BFF would talk to another person without telling me. Even they are right in front of my eye balls.!! But I don't really blame her...   (I guess) And what makes me sad is that I'm lacking of friends. They must have look/judge me like I'm some kind or freaky nerd weirdo! Did everything I do is wrong and so bad?

I also often get bugged by my physical appearance. I mean... I'm really short and "plumpy". I hate that! If only the lady, Jillian from the Biggest Loser could come here and "fix" me a little. You know what I mean. Some of my classmates are so mean. They call me names that a person hated to be called. Even my best friend looks me like that. But, I just pretend that I didn't care by laughing my heart out most of the time. I wouldn't go to anyone and say "Hey you. You know that your words hurt me?" cuz I don't want to. But what I really wanted to say is " Hey! stop belittling me and putting me down!" But I didn't dare myself to.

I wish the people who makes me feel small out there could have read this and they could realize what they made.But I'm not saying all of my friends/people hurt me. Just... most of them.

So I guess I'll have to go now Charmz. It's such a relief writing to you this evening.
Have a great day!

Sincerely,
Me...
(feeling down and ignored)

Home Sweet Home ♥

People often says home sweet home and believe it or not, even though you're not living in an enormous mansion, you will feel as if your home is the perfect home in the entire universe. I am not kidding. I'm back from my 4 days 3 nights vacation and although the place where I crashed into is pretty nice, but I still love my own home.

It's pretty exhausting walking here and there and I slept for like just 5 hours a day. My family and I have been walking all day long and both my legs are having an awful cramp and ache. The sultry days were very suckish. But putting that aside, I had a wonderful trip I guess. I'm really bewildered watching many kinds of people walking here and there with some sickly thick clothes just to appear beautiful and outstanding. 

On top of that, it also gives me a headache observing "colorful" people who had come from all around the globe to this overcrowded and busy metropolis. Maybe they are going for the year-end-sale or something I'm not really sure. But anyway, I bought some items that I planned to buy but still didn't get some stuffs that I want. I'm not going to tell you what are they!

Believe it or not, I just ate half of a roasted chicken for two days straight! No kidding! I'm really putting on weight now and trying hard to lose'em fast! Or else, I'll look like a big fat chicken and my friends will make fun of me for sure! (OK maybe not until a "big fat chicken") hahahaha! But, I really love those chickens and I'm determined to roast one exactly like that. You think I can do it? Yeah, I have no clue about that either.

Well, see you next time, Charmz!!

XOXO

Do I belong?

Dear Charmz Diary,

It's me, your best friend. Can I ask you something? Do you think I "belong" in my friends? Well... I just watched a movie called Barbie Mariposa. Now I'm not trying to prove or show you that I'm rather childish for a 14 year old girl. But, in that movie, Mariposa exclaimed that she felt like she don't belong in the place where she lives which is called Flutterfield. And.. when I look back, I don't feel like I belong in my "place" too. I mean, I have the least friends among my friends. Yeah, No kidding! I often feel ignore and being left out just because I don't like things that they like and they don't fancy stuff that I find interesting. Is that my fault? One of my friends told me that I don't have to care what they like and the only thing I've to do is just be myself. I know that's the best thing to do but it's kinda hard though. Sitting in a territory where no one seems to get what you're trying to say...

I really like those kinda songs like''skyscraper'', "who's laughing now" and "Lala land" by some various inspiring singers. Those words are so much alike to my situation. Those songs are about a person who doesn't feel belong in their own spaces. In the Barbie Mariposa movie, Mariposa succeeded in saving her land Flutterfield and right after that, she always feel belong...Should I save "my land" to feel belong too? I don't think so...

But now, I'm thinking, "screw these people" I know what I like and I'm not going to pretend to like something that I don't just so that I could feel belong and fit it. I want to be ME! And no one can ever tell me to be someone who I'm not. I still have friends who enjoys the same stuffs as me. Wherever I go, I know that my friends will always be there beside me...

I guess I've said what I really wanna say, dear Charmz...
So, goodbye for now!
XXX