I can't bear this

Ya Allah. Please help me. Give some faith in me. Because obviously I can't bear this any longer. I know that You only let your servants to face hardships in order to test them, but please, Allah, give me strength so that I could face this depression.

Last Thursday was definitely a heart break for me. I switched on my laptop, with fingers crossed that I would get accepted into any fully residential boarding schools in Malaysia. One of my besties succeeded so I was hoping for the best. At that very moment I knew my result, I almost fell off the chair. My heart felt as if it sunk to the bottom of the Earth. The unfortunate events in my life continues again. I did not get accepted into the boarding school that I desired. I refuse to cry at first and acted calm as if it wasn't a big deal.

The next day onward, I went to school, still trying to be as calm as possible. The moment I stepped into my school, I knew that I am going to spend my last 2 years of high school there. There's no possible way I can be somewhere else. And so I stride straight to my class, trying to let the thought slip off my mind. I couldn't help it any longer. I cried in the empty class myself at the same time when the clock showed 7 am. I continue to cry until the third period of class. It eventually stops when it was time for Physical Education on that day. I refuse to let the teachers notice my sadness and disappointment. But I really wish my friends would understand me although I know that don't.

What was it that I do wrong? Is it something to do with my academic achievement? Or co-curricular activity? Or perhaps I filled the application form wrong? Loads of questions keep popping in my mind and the last that I can ever think of is ... "Am I that stupid?" I still can't figure out why all of this happen. My plan was to go to any excellent boarding school and improve myself academically and mentally but I guess all of that can now rest in peace, in my dreams.

My parents keep saying that I need not worry about this matter and that they will try their best to get me a spot in an oversea university. But the thing is, THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Sorry to say but no one can ever make me "relax" and forget about this matter.

In pain,
Fiffy