Believe in Yourself

Dear Diary,

There are a lot of things going around in my mind lately. But now, I know its time to swipe off everything that’s not related to studying and achieving high marks, until the end of September at least. Lots of “drama” going on and school and to me, I have to hit the pause button for those stuff because the big exam is just round the corner. And the other reason is because I’m getting tired and sick of it. (about friend’s issues and such) It doesn’t benefit anyone and leads to an obvious time wastage.

I was devastated by the recent exam results I got because I don’t really pass them all with flying colors unlike the previous one. I wasn’t mad this time but I’m just really sad and believe it or not, I broke down at school. I just can’t help it. I can’t afford forgiving myself for what just happened. I’m guessing most of this is my own fault for taking it so easily. Well, looking up at couple of my friends who managed to obtain high and good marks, I’m making them as my “motivation” but not idols. I am who I am and I’m not gonna change that. Firstly, to be honest, I was jealous of “those” stuff and I envy them but then, I realized it doesn’t bring any good so I decided to quit doing that. It’s best if I just learn from them and also learn from my mistakes. Just because I fell down, that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna lay on the ground. I’m gonna pull myself back up and get on my feet again. Start the freakin’ engine and start course to “High-Achievement Island” (I know it sounds childish but what the heck!) I will to put my best foot forward and work my ass off. I’m not going to say NEVER. =)

There are times when people tell you that you can’t live your dreams. But this is what I tell you... Never say never! –Justin Bieber

·                 Anyway, congratulations to a senior friend of mine in SMK Bukit Jambul for obtaining the title of national’s best public speaker of 2012 recently. I just got the third in State level but I’m proud of it. J And yes, the best speaker IS from PENANG! (praying to get his spot one day)

Best speakers from each districts of Penang

Top 3 speakers of the state 2012

LOVE,

Fiffy a.k.a. Plain Jane

Dear Diary..Why?

"I can't stand being in a hostel.." The same excuse I've been giving whenever anyone ask the same question. The question is, why won't I stay at the hostel? 

Just to be honest, I don't really have a problem to stay at the hostel (other than the bathroom and meal issues). The only thing that bugs me and I'm afraid of is that the ones who stayed at the hostel refuse to be my friend. I've tried to be humble and friendly towards them, but they just seems... I don't know how to explain it. It's like they've "labeled" me as outsiders and it's impossible for them to make friends with me. I never hate anyone, not even my friends who stay at the hostel. I just wonder why they does that. or, is it actually my own fault? But whenever I tried to be friends, especially in class, they just refuse to give much positive feedback and responses. That puzzles me every time. Do they really CAN'T mix with us, people? Never have in mind saying they're some sort of arrogant people or anything. I seriously don't!

My dad said "I think you should stay at the hostel for few days." But then, I would immediately let out a thunderous scream, refusing to be on the same page as my dad's. Want to know the thing I'm afraid the most before the bathroom and meal issues? It's that I would have not even ONE SINGLE friend. Well, my BFFs seems to get along with them pretty well. Although I hate seeing myself getting left out, most of the time. NO LIE! (Then when I say this, they would apologize then continue doing the same thing after couple days)

I try not to care and bear in mind the word "Whatever-lah!" all the time. But seriously, who could sustain themselves from being hurt when this "thing" cuts this deep? I am ALSO a human... and a helpless 15-year-old girl to be exact. I do feel the same as anyone when I am left out. What's so wrong with me till they won't even care to say "Hi" to me?

If only you could answer this, I would plead you to, dear diary.

Hurtful and lonely,

Plain Jane

The whole lot of pressure!

Dear charmz diary, I'm not trying to kvetch or anything, but this is just too much pressure. If there's one more thing pop up out of nowhere, I will definitely "lose it" you know?!! Actually, I joined the marching team for the last 3 weeks approximately. It was fun before and I kind of enjoy myself with my BFF. But then, as the "real competition" gets closer, I started to feel the tense. Not that I hate it or anything but I'm just a little tired of all those training and practices. It's a good thing for me actually cuz it helps menreduce my weight a little. Yeah that's right... i gained some weight cuz I haven't go cycling for quite a long time. The thing is..I keep trying to lose my weight but, they keep finding me back! Hahaha. Alright. Now back to what I'm trying to explain. Besides all these trainings, I literally found out that my public speaking competition will be held this THURSDAY! I wonder why the teacher didn't inform me earlier cuz I homestly don't memorize a single thing yet and I have less than a week to practice and "perfect" myself. Oh dear... Don't you feel like its too much pressure yourself? I just hope I don't lose it. To make things worse, the teahers keep "pouring" us, students will homework!! We all agree that, we kept trying to finish them everyday but.. Homework just seems infinite! Hurgh... This is so tiring. but I can still take it. (for the time being) and all these oral tests, they just adding pressure to myself. Luckily its still bearable.. Okay charmz, I really think I should go now. I apologise for not writing to you for a long time. I've been definitely busy and my schedule is extremely pack! Okay then. Just pray for me so that I won't lose my temper and get crazy. :D XOXO

One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful

First Term Holiday!

Dear Diary,

Yes, today is the beginning of the first term holidays. I don't know what to do. Haha! I'm just kidding. actually, I've tonnes of homework to finish. But I guess I'm just supremely lazy to start it now. Wonder why.. 

Anyway, yesterday, my family and I went out to Penang, at our favorite shopping mall. I was just wandring around the mall, searching for the shirt that I desire but it was to no avail. And suddenly, when I was walking with my dad and sister (leaving my mom and the rest), I FINALLY found it! It was hanging there, i front of my eyeballs. I let out a MINI-SCREAM and pleaded to have it. At last, my wish was granted! hooray!

I also bought a new scarf and jeans. I'm trying to jazz up my style with some colors and make my wardrobe more colorful. Cuz most of the attire I have is in black. That's because I always say that "black goes with everything" But now I think it's time to make some changes in that perspective. So now, I'm searching for clothes that have patriotic colors of blue, white and red in it. Hahaha! And so as the other rainbow colors.That always cheers my day up!

I want to write more to you, diary but I can't. Time is running up and I'm very busy. What a pack schedule! Isn't it ironic when just a few paragraphs ago I told you "I dunno what to do?" *laughs* Put on your thinking cap and think, diary! 

OK then. Have to leave!

Bye!

XOXO

January 4th 2012, a.k.a WORST DAY EVER!

Argh! My head really ache right now! As I expected, the first day or school sucks!

I don't really know why Charmz, but I kinda feel like I want to be in my former class again! I don't care if people say it's the last class or the "dumbest" class of all. The thing is, I really love that class with all of my classmates way better than this new one. Not that I hate my new classmates or anything! I never said that, once!

I used to sit in a perfect place where I have the perfect view in my old class with my friends Umi Umaira and Swarnaa by my side. We often chit-chat a lot and had so much fun. There might be some time where I can't stand them but, deep inside I know that they are the best partners! They make me laugh whenever I feel bummed and we often had a pack to get somebody! haha!

Well now, my friend Umi has moved to some place far from here. However, Swarnaa is still in the same class as me but she sits in front now while I'm quietly at the back. We can't have those loud conversations that we used to have anymore. And now, my other friend Laksumitha isn't in the same class anymore. She's very funny and likes to talk! No kidding! But, she is a fun girl to be with...

Now I'm in the new class feeling like a freaky mute new-comer and I hate my place. That's cuz I can barely see from there. Another thing is, my partners aren't as fun as last years' any longer. Most of my classmates are very competitive and I feel belittled sometimes. When I was in my old class, I feel very happy to help lots of people around me but now, I feel like standing "below the radar" You get what I mean Charmz?--I hope you do.

Another thing that happened today is that me and my BFF didn't get the chance to eat during recess. There's so many "big people" around that the queue is freaking long like never before. And when we were about to buy something, the food and beverages are almost finished and we can't even find a place to sit!!! That really does sucked!! We were just strolling around the school with a plain bread in our hands talking like idiots!

 I feel like almost everyone wants to bring me down. But I know just what to do.
Lastly, I would like to say..  Dear 2012--Please be nice to me.\

Can't talk much Charmz because I've got some books to read and homework to complete.
Ok then. Buh-bye!
XOXO

ALMOST the first day of school!

Daer Charmz Diary,

Tomorrow is officially the first day of school in 2012 which is on January 4th 2012. I don't know should I feel happy and excited or sad and a bit bummed. Well, I obviously will feel happy tomorrow cuz I could see and my fiends after a long holiday. But on the other hand, will there be anyone who want to be my friend in my new class? Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. They are not actually "new" to me but almost all of us haven't been in the same class before. We just know one another but never a classmate. What if they refuse to be friends with me or talk to me?

But on the bright side, there's no more noisy-makers in my class and no more people to tease me and bring me down. Well, I hope so...

Ok then Charmz. Can't chat for long. Bye now!
XXX